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Not quite scared enough…

I’m being stalked.

Yeah we know that, but this time it feels more… directed.  Like I’m being warned directly about something… they want me to know that they are there… they want me to experience a fear that is palpable… something real… something active.

But the thing is.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to be frightened of.

I mean obviously I’m frightened of Walo, well I was until the church incident , and you know the things they’ve done… the graffiti and the dolls and the car… I mean that’s all very scary.

But it’s so amorphous.

For fuck’s sake what am I supposed to be frightened of.

I mean everyone else seems to have a past – some kind of skeleton in their cupboard… you know some big issue that gives them a sense of veracity and identity or just a reason to continue… but I don’t have anything like that… I don’t have a nemesis… or a shady history… there’s no one for me to be afraid of.  So… well – I’m not very afraid.

Maybe I’m naïve or just too innocent…

So if someone does want to do this they are either mad… making a hideous mistake…  or holding on to some massive grudge over an incident involving a Bunsen burner, a cup of coffee and a blazer from the sixth form – that was never my fault in the first place.

Whatever the case is… I kind of have to say.

Get over it or get on with it.

For now – this isn’t working.  I might not be safe here – but I don’t know it.

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