… emailed to me… “I thought you might want to see this”… guys name is shahnoor… never heard of him… I thought you might want to see this.
Yeah I did.
Recorded at the party – the party where Josh died… where it all began.
She knew something was going to happen.
I’m being stalked.
Yeah we know that, but this time it feels more… directed. Like I’m being warned directly about something… they want me to know that they are there… they want me to experience a fear that is palpable… something real… something active.
But the thing is.
I don’t know what I’m supposed to be frightened of.
I mean obviously I’m frightened of Walo, well I was until the church incident , and you know the things they’ve done… the graffiti and the dolls and the car… I mean that’s all very scary.
But it’s so amorphous.
For fuck’s sake what am I supposed to be frightened of.
I mean everyone else seems to have a past – some kind of skeleton in their cupboard… you know some big issue that gives them a sense of veracity and identity or just a reason to continue… but I don’t have anything like that… I don’t have a nemesis… or a shady history… there’s no one for me to be afraid of. So… well – I’m not very afraid.
Maybe I’m naïve or just too innocent…
So if someone does want to do this they are either mad… making a hideous mistake… or holding on to some massive grudge over an incident involving a Bunsen burner, a cup of coffee and a blazer from the sixth form – that was never my fault in the first place.
Whatever the case is… I kind of have to say.
Get over it or get on with it.
For now – this isn’t working. I might not be safe here – but I don’t know it.
A film sent to my inbox.
Same name TALX…
I have no idea what that means.
Film now though… that’s a development.I’m waiting up tonight with a big stick in the caravan… Travis is asleep…
I found an iron rod today on the beach… rusty hunk of metal… broke it off and I’m holding it now… looking down at it… weighs well in my hand… feels just about right for swinging and hitting and hurting… going to take a picture of it so that you’ll know what is waiting for you when you come in from that door.
Lance got the show onto WFMU in the States… and its been running for three weeks now… the show listen to me. My story. What has happened to me.
There you go.
Anyway, it wasn’t going out earlier tonight… and I’d agreed to go online during the programme… hoping to stir something up, hoping to bring something to the fore… and it did.
It certainly did.
You see it… with one minute to go before the show closes… one minute and Talx comes on and there’s someone else out there and they are saying that Lucinda is in Australia… that she’s not even in England.
She’s in Australia and I’m sat in a caravan like an idiot.
Why am I doing this?
Because nothing is what I’ve always done.